November 2014 (18th onward)

Please click on “Our Angel Abigail” to read the beginning of our Baby Abigail’s story.

November 18, 2014

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Some things that do not change are comforting when everything feels like it is being turned upside down!  My crocheting is a little slower this morning, but peaceful to my heart.  Thank you everyone for each message, prayer and thought.  You all are such a huge strength to me.



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Abigail arrived peacefully at 11:47 am.  She earned her angel wings at 1:31 pm.  Abigail, may you always know you were wished for, longed for, prayed for and wanted.  Mommy and Daddy miss you so much all ready.  We love you so very much.  XOXO

November 19, 2014

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Thank you to everyone for your messages and comments.  I have read every one and treasure your words.  Please indulge me in sharing another picture.  Terence meeting his baby sister that he prayed and hoped for – he was so thrilled that he was able to hold her.

I got home last night and physically am doing really well.  Emotionally, well, let’s just say that there have been many tears shed … over the fact that there is only spiderman shampoo and not a princess bottle in the shower … sobs while walking through Target to repurchase Abigail’s outfit and blankets so that I can keep the ones that she wore yesterday … tears while proofing her birth announcement / memorial card … tears and big hugs when Caleb announced for the 21st time today that he misses Abigail so much.  Sweet boy, Mommy does also!!  Tears while I try to update you, my wonderful friends and family, on the most preciously heartbreaking 24 hours of my life.

God heard all of my heart prayers that I wasn’t even able to voice … Abigail’s face was perfect – she wasn’t disfigured from the lack of fluid, as we had been warned.  She spent her short life in peace, snuggled as close as we possibly could hold her.  All of her big brothers and her  Grammie & Grampie N. got to meet her and hold her and whisper their love into her ear and we were all in the room with her when she slipped into Heaven.  My husband was able to be home with us.  The next spot available in the angel graves is near a big tree – that was a special gift from God to her grieving nature loving Momma!

Tomorrow we will lay our baby girl to rest under that big tree, alongside other sweet angels.  Our sweet Abigail taught me more about living in her short life than anyone I’ve ever known.  She taught me that life is so precious, that it is worth fighting for even when it is the most painful thing I’ve ever done.  She taught me that it is really true — most of the things that used to upset me and stress me out really aren’t major things.  That life shouldn’t be measured by time but by impact on those touched by it.

I know I sound like a broken record, but thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your kindness, prayers and words of encouragement.  I love you, dear friends!

November 20, 2014

My friend gave me a beautiful gift this morning with her words of how my sweet Abigail impacted her.  My biggest wish during the last 16 weeks was, and is, that I would be able to share properly the lessons she was teaching me … my friend’s post and the many messages I’ve received have reassured me that she won’t be forgotten and that her sweet life mattered to many more than just us.  Her funeral today was special.  It was sweet … serene … peaceful … heartbreaking.  All rolled into one.  Thank you dear friends for your love and support.

Thank you sweet Abigail.

Abigail, your life was very short, but in the minutes you were alive you had more love given to you than some humans will ever know in their life.

Thank you, because of your existence your Mom taught me some important life lessons.  Things I’ve learned:

  • No matter what people say, a mother will never give up on her child and she will fight to the bitter end to look after that child.
  • It is okay to be real to tell your friends you are hurting – that you can laugh and cry at the same time.
  • That in the darkest moment, there is still something to be grateful for.  Like a cool Lego structure, a nice fall day or a Starbucks visit.
  • That it is okay to talk to kids about death and to let them be there in those final moments, giving love.
  • That things will come at the right moment, when I saw the special outfit your Mom got you there is no doubt it was made for you.
  • That I should do more crocheting when I am feeling stressed.

Abigail, we all wish  you could have stayed longer.  I am glad that you got to meet your parents, 3 wonderful brothers and grandparents before you went to be a sweet angel in heaven, who had all ready earned her wings.

Wendy I am so grateful that I have you as a friend, stay strong.  Thank you for being open and sharing this journey with your friends and family.

ETA:  I read my friend’s words at Abigail’s funeral as her eulogy.  I felt that my friend expressed everything I wanted to say so well!

November 21, 2014

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It’s amazing how God can answer our heart prayers through our loved ones.  I spent an hour walking through the mall today trying to find an ornament to personalize for Abigail and finally found this one and couldn’t bring myself to tell Abigail’s information, to the lady, without tears, so I walked away.  Fast forward to later this afternoon and a dear friend dropped off a little package.  When I opened it there was the ornament that I wanted … beautifully personalized.  Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift!!

——

I’m envious of my husband today – having a 12 hour flying day requires a lot of concentration so there isn’t a lot of room for other thoughts.  I knew that the first open day of not having appointments and things to prepare would be hard.  Living that knowledge still stinks.  Tomorrow will be a new day with new sunshine and new approaches.  Always!

November 22, 2014

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Today I am thankful for the thoughtfulness of those in my life who are able to offer moments of comfort, even when they may not realize that they are.

  • For my husband who asked our friend to take pictures at Abigail’s burial because he knew I would want them, but hadn’t thought of it myself.
  • For the florist who chose the perfect soft shade of pink roses for us to place on Abigail’s little white casket.
  • For a funeral director who arranged to have little shovels there so our boys could fulfill their  need to help by placing some dirt on their baby sister’s grace.
  • For a heart friend to be willing to be there to help comfort my boys and my mom, when I wasn’t able to myself.
  • For a pastor who put up with all the snow to offer Abigail a graceful burial

And for the added blessing of another of my heart prayers being answered … I desperately wanted it to snow – that reminder that beauty overcomes darkness – and it snowed so hard for her entire burial that it was hard to see at times.  And as we drove away from her graveside the snow stopped.  Such a precious memory.

November 24, 2014

So incredibly happy to have my handsome husband home for 36 hours … I am so grateful that we have chosen to walk together and support each other through the last two+ years of non-stop stressful times, instead of walking away from each other in our grief and frustration.  Last January (2014) Pastor David told me that even though he didn’t want to sound prophetic, he had the strong feeling that he needed to tell us that we were going to be all right.  That we would be a stronger couple.  Fast forward 10 months and at the most difficult day of our marriage, sitting at Abigail’s funeral, our new pastor, not knowing the previous words spoken over us, said that after spoke to my husband on Tuesday he had the overwhelming feeling that we, as a couple, are going to be all right.  9.5 years ago my husband and I promised to cherish each other through the fun stuff and through the painful times.  We had no idea what we were really promising, but I am so proud of us that we have each stuck behind that promise.  I love you, dear husband – you will always be my Bear!

November 30, 2014

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Beauty in the midst of darkness.  The gorgeous “A” that I left today on Abigail’s resting place.  Thank you to my friend for the beautiful flowers!  They were perfect for our angel.

—–

Source unknown

Source unknown

I used this as my profile picture at the end of October 2013 when we were going through a very difficult, very personal struggle.  Fast forward another year and another difficult situation was on our doorstep … the death of our sweet baby girl.  And I learned the same three things all over again.  Here’s to being stronger, closer and loved!

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