November 2014 (prior to the 18th)

Please click on “Our Angel Abigail” to read the beginning of our Baby Abigail’s story.

November 6, 2014

2014-11-06 23.13.33

Today was bittersweet.  I finally walked through the baby section intent on finding something tiny, soft and perfect to put on our Baby.  I found the perfect little girl sleepers that said “Mommy’s Little Angel” on the front and I knew they were the ones.  I then turned them over and saw the angel wings on the back and that’s when the tears came with earnest.  I had gone into the store looking for something to snuggle my precious Baby in for however she/he is ours … and I found it.  Angel wings included.  (I also have a handsome little boy set, in case our Baby surprises us).

Friends, I’m doing my best to be real … I am honestly doing as well as anyone could expect, but today was hard.  To watch my strong husband pick up the little pink teddy bear, and tenderly kiss it, was heartbreaking.  To have an entire suppertime spend answering questions about why our Baby may get to be an angel, interspersed with Caleb hugging my belly “to hug our Baby so they will know I love them so!” was hard.  To walk through the baby section, heavily pregnant and with tears flowing, is a new level of hurt that I didn’t know existed before today.  To feel my precious Baby move and be reminded that I have less than 2 weeks to feel those movements is somewhat akin to being sucker punched.

Please remember my family and I in your prayers – I know I desperately need the strength of those and your love in the next few weeks.

November 9, 2014

Our world has righted again … my husband arrived home late, late last night and to the delight of my little boys, and I, he is in the kitchen making pancakes to fulfill the request of Caleb.  Terence is busy building Lego tanks from a tank reference book … Caleb is busy trying to destroy them … Patrick is busy coloring pictures and his hands.  Christmas music playing and the tree is lit.

It’s these moments that I carry in my heart during the hurting, lonely moments.  I truly have a beautiful life.

November 14, 2014

I just want it to be known that my friends (and family) rock!  Starting tonight my friends are delivering a meal to us every day for the next 3 weeks – it is an unbelievable blessing to me to not have to worry about trying to cook the main meal for my household.  That, along with the words of encouragement, hugs, cards and gifts mean so very much to my husband, my boys and I … thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

November 15, 2014

One boy using YouTube as a resource as to how to build various Lego Star Wars machines.  One boy, with a cat tail attached to the seat of his pants, building his own Lego creations.  One boy cutely causing destruction to many things, not limited to breaking Christmas candelabras (pretending they were Mommy’s “fire”), taking Grammie’s 40+ pairs of shoes off her shoe rack and making sculptures with his favorites and shoving the rest under her clothes.  One Mommy crocheting and all of us listening to Christmas music.

A delightful Saturday.  One to hold in my heart.

November 17, 2014

There is always beauty in the midst of darkness.  Today was a perfectly gorgeous snowy day with every twig covered.  I had my last appointment with my specialists.  We heard our sweet Baby’s heart beat and found out that Baby will be here tomorrow, induction or naturally, since my body has been preparing since Saturday.  Because my husband has to fly from Friday onward, our afternoon consisted of planning a funeral and buying a burial plot.  Honestly, doing that while having continual contractions required a strength that I didn’t know I had til today.  We are still hoping for a miracle, but I’m grateful that if things don’t go our way, Christopher, or I, will not have to go through the pain of planning everything alone.  Thank you again for all of your love and support.  We are so appreciative.

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